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Q: How many Mafia hitmen does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Three. One to screw it in, one to watch, and one to shoot the witness.

Q: How many Magicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: It depends on what you want it changed in to...

Q: How many John Majors does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Two. One to not do anything about it and one to try and blame the failure of the old bulb on the Labour party who put the original bulb in place 17 years ago.

Q: How many manic-depressives does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Only one, but they keep changing it back and forth between the new and old bulbs.

Q: How many Maoists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One to screw in the bulb and a thousand to chant "Fight Darkness!"

Q: How many marketing directors does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: It isn't too late to make this neon instead, is it?

Q: How many Marxists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, the seeds of revolution and change are within the lightbulb itself.

Q: How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A:
None. It's left to the reader as an exercise.
A:
Just one, once you've managed to present the problem in terms he/she is familiar with.

Q: How many men does it take to screw in a lightbulb ?
A: Only one, but you have to nag him for a fortnight first.
A: One, and one more to change it, and one more to keep track of how many there are, and a woman to soothe their minds.
A: None. Men don't screw-in lightbulbs; they think they can turn them on just by rubbing up against them.
A: Four. One to do the job and three to listen to him brag about the screwing part.
A: One -- men will screw anything.

Q: How many Mensans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. The bulb isn't bright enough.
A: None. The dim bulbs aren't "changed," they are humanely euthanized.
A: 66. Eleven philosophers to ponder whether it is possible to actually do anything; ten semanticists to debate the various possible meanings of each phrase, word, and syllable; nine columnists to write about it from radically different viewpoints; eight letter writers to respond vehemently with opposing points of view; seven Quibblers who delight in pointing out others' mistakes (_what_ is said is not as important as saying it correctly); six conservatives who believe things should stay the way they are; five liberals who believe that action should be taken immediately to form a committee to study possible actions; four ornery SOBs who disagree on principal with anything anyone else has suggested; three peacemakers who believe it's more important to work it out without showing any more emotions than necessary to get it done; two statisticians who maintain that numbers are more important than facts; and one pragmatist to ignore the BS and replace the bad bulb with a good one. Whilst all this is going on, all the Mensans are keeping count in their heads just to make absolutely sure that it really does add up to 66.

Q: How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb ?
A: Only 1, but you have to cut a hole in the skirting board for it to get in.
A: Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the light bulb.

Q: How many military information officers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: At the present point in time it is against policy and the best interests of military strategy to divulge information of such a statistical nature. Next question, please.

Q: How many monkeys does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Two. One to do it and one to scratch his bum.

Q: How many movie actresses does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One, but you should've seen the line outside the producer's hotel room.

Q: How many movie directors does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Just one, but he wants to do it thirty-two times and when he's done everyone thinks that his last lightbulb was much better.

Q: How many MP's does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A:
Twenty-one. One to change it and twenty to form a fact-finding committee to learn more about how it's done.

Q: How many municipal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Seven - two to administer the Civil Service examination for the Light Bulb Administrator position, the Commissioner of Public Works, who ends up hiring his brother for the position anyway, one to plow the mayor's driveway, a Summer Youth student to actually screw it in, and a Union steward to protest that its the electrician's job to screw in lightbulbs.

Q: Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?
A: No, big daddy, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
A: Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen in on the guest list.
A: Five. One to screw in the light bulb and four to stand around and say, "Man, if I'd had his studio time, I could have done that."
A: 5, one to change the bulb and 4 to get in free because they know the guy who owns the socket.

Q: How many mutants does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two thirds.

Q: How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two, one to screw it almost all the way in and the other to give it a surprising twist at the end.


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