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Q: How many paranoids does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Who wants to know ?
A: Just what exactly do you mean by that, huh ?

Q: How many pawnbrokers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. It's of no interest to them.

Q: How many pessimists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, the old one is probably screwed in too tight.
A: None, it's a waste of time because the new bulb probably won't work either.

Q: How many philosophers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Hmmm... well there's an interesting question isn't it ?
A: Three. One to change it and two to stand around arguing over whether or not the lightbulb exists.
A: Define "lightbulb".....

Q: How many ping pong players does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Four. One to complain that it's "table tennis" not "ping pong", one to change the lightbulb, one to protest about the type of glue he used to fix the lightbulb into place, and one to get out his copy of the "Bats 'R' Us" catalogue and point out that he could have bought an even better one for 50p less.

Q: How many poets does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three. One to curse the darkness, one to light a candle... ... and one to change the bulb.

Q: How many politically correct people does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None. "Why should we impose our values on the lightbulb ? If it wishes to be a lightbulb of no light, we should respect its uniqueness and individuality."

Q: How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Two. One to change it, and another one to change it back again.
A: Four, one to change it and the other three to deny it.

Q: How many poltergeists does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Three. One to unscrew the old bulb and drop it on the floor, one to put the new bulb in, and one to move a few more things about just for good measure.

Q: How many porn actresses does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Well, it looks like 2 of them are really doing it, but the real answer is actually none. They're just faking it.

Q: How many preservation society members does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: One, but it takes a year to find an antique Edison light bulb so it'll be architecturally accurate.

Q: How many presidential campaign staff does it need to change a light bulb?
A: 220! One to write a speech about how good it will be when the bulb is actually changed, one to write a speech about why the other candidates can't even spell "lightbulbe", eighteen to find out what the other candidates did when the lightbulb failed, and another two hundred to find out what the other candidate's families think about lightbulbs, bulbs, pear-shaped objects, light in general, any form of energy.

Q: How many presidential family members does it take to screw in a light bulb in the White House?
A: Two, Hillary for her office, Bill for the rest of the White House.

Q: How many believable, competent, "just right for the job" presidential candidates does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?

Q: How many procrastinators does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One - but he has to wait until the light is better.

Q: How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Just one, but once we get tenure, we don't change anymore.
A: Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.

Q: How many pro-lifers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two, one to do it and one to insist that the bulb was lit when the screwing began.
A: Nine-four to block the entrance to the room, four to hold up pictures of burnt-out bulbs, and one to try and convince the person with the new bulb to let the room stay dark.

Q: How many proofreaders does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Proofreaders aren't supposed to change lightbulbs. They should just query them.

Q: How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Only one, but the lightbulb must want to change.
A: None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
A: How long have you been having this phantasy ?
A: How many do *you* think it takes?

A: One.
Q: How many psychics does it take to change a lightbulb ?

Q: How many public opinion researchers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: With what degree of certainty do you need to know?

Q: How many publishers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Three. One to screw it in. Two to hold down the author.

Q: How many punk rockers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Two: One to screw in the bulb and the other to smash the old one on his forehead. A: Four. "Why four?" I just reckon it to be about four, pal. Want to make something of it ?
A: Three. One to do it and two to argue about who did it first.


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